Jaz Persing is a writer, singer, and human living in Los Angeles. She works in television when she can. The rest of the time she’s just looking for a dare-to-be-great situation, hoping she can put a good dent in the world with the mess of broken love, vulnerability, and words she has. In the meantime, she’s immensely grateful for God and the many good people around her that make it all seem feasible.

Transference While Waiting for the IT Guy to Show up

I am not second
I do not bend to your shape of the day
I am not available in pieces
To be assembled at your later convenience
I reject your Frankensteining

I do not live at the drop of your hat
Though somehow there I have fallen asleep
Drunk into a stupor
High off your cinematic conceptions of me

I thought I would love it up there in the ether
But I am less of ether, more of earth
I am blood and bones and soul and flesh
And refuse shame for this breathe-deep truth of me

I will not make love out of negative space
The vase has never been two faces turned toward each other
The ability to believe it was
No longer impresses me

I see it now as madness, a junkie stringing together meaning from hit to hit
New dopamine from this particular pause and lack
Everything you are not saying
Comprises a novel

I have caught myself caged in tragic poses
But it's just a way to scratch my itch
To distance from the drag-out, cold-sweat, tooth-gnashing need
As I tremble once again to withdraw

Why do you not hear me
Between all my words and silence?
How does the call to mingle souls and bodies
Become so faint?
Is it a death of the heart
That emanates from the very place where we were broken deep?

No. This death I refuse.

No more of the moving across the earth to meet you
If I am uprooted again
I will never grow
tall and strong, bringing shade to many
And yet...

I neither long to be only your resting place
My trunk is not for your back broken
Maybe I am a tree who grows in motion
Maybe I am a ship tempting tempests
My vessel cuts the water of a new horizon
With no negative space in sight